“Feel everything. Let go of everything. Or you will be held captive by everything.”
Unknown
My heart longed to speak to him, but my mind knew nothing good would come out of it.
It screamed, “Abort, abort, abort.”
He called once; I let it ring and die out. He called again; I let it ring.
And then I felt guilty, so I called him back.
I’m an idiot.
Maybe you’ve done something similar where you ignored your gut instinct and went with your heart.
Aargh.
Anyway, what followed was the most stomach-churning conversation ever, which left me in varying degrees of “sick.” I regretted ever phoning him back. I even regretted having my phone switched on because, let’s be honest, I was a sucker for pain.
I experienced the same feelings when I resigned from my job a year ago (on the 8th of September 2021).
I hated the work. It was soul-sucking, tedious, and made me question my choices every day. The only saving grace was the people I worked with – they were great.
But even though I hated the job, it was still comfortable, and it hurt to let go of it.
I drove myself crazy for weeks. I wanted to resign so much that the deepest parts of me begged to be released, but I kept putting it off. It was so hard to let go of it despite my hating it.
Letting go of people, things, and experiences is tough. If you’ve been involved in something for a while, it will hurt and feel unnerving to leave.
However, I’ve realized that sometimes you need to let things go for your own peace of mind. It might seem selfish, risky, or even stupid to other people. But you don’t have a choice but to let go because you deserve to keep your sanity intact.
Anything and anyone that isn’t serving you well need to go. Period. Finished. End of story.
This post will highlight why sometimes you need to let things go and how to let things go (even when it physically pains you to do so.)
I do not promise the process will be easy – I’ve felt the sheer terror, jitters, stomach cramps, and sleepless nights, and it’s not easy at all.
But it’s doable and possible. And you’ll come out of it a stronger person.
Let’s get started.
Table of Contents
What Are You Letting Go Off?
The first step to figuring out how to let go of something is understanding what you are trying to let go of.
Are you trying to let go of people, an object, a job, a painful past experience, a nasty remark someone said to you, or just frustration with things that are out of your control?
Neither of these is more important than the other. If something has affected you to the point where you’re reading this post, it needs to go, and you’re not selfish or stupid for wanting to know how.
1. People aka relationships
It’s not only normal but sometimes necessary to let go of certain people.
We outgrow people by forming different mindsets, opinions, and values, and when that doesn’t match someone else’s, it’s good to let go.
There are also an overwhelmingly large number of toxic people in this world — and they could be your partner, a friend you grew up with, or a family member. And if you get the vibe that this person is leeching all the happiness out of you, then it’s time to let go.
Of course, letting go of people is presumably the toughest. But it’s also the bravest thing to do and can make you feel 10 times lighter.
I’ve seen couples married for 40 years that should’ve ended their marriages long ago – both people would’ve been happier.
2. An object
Even if you aren’t a materialistic person, it’s typical to want to hold onto things that have sentimental value or that we’ve had for a long time.
Objects, funnily enough, can become closer than family. My mom has had a blue stapler for the last 30 years that she refuses to get rid of. Some houses resemble a junkyard with sentimental items the owners have stored over the years.
It’s never easy to chuck something you’ve owned for a while. But decluttering can be therapeutic and can lighten your soul. Of course, instead of throwing your items away, you can always donate them to someone in greater need.
3. A job
Quitting a job is no less painful than leaving a relationship. Last year (this time), I had to leave my job. And it’s a decision that weighed heavily on my mind and every facet of my being — my heart, body, and soul.
I would stare out the window, trying to come to terms with my decision and how I was going to tell the rest of my family about what I had done. Because we all know that once you’re in your 20s, there’s this expectation that you have to continue working a traditional job till you’re at the age where you can no longer walk. But I knew there was something better for me — and I found it.
This last year of being traditionally unemployed has been the best year of my life.
And if you’ve had similar worries about letting go of a job, know that quitting a job you hate is the only way to find one you love.
4. A painful past
Who isn’t carrying the burden of a bad past with them?
You might still be holding on to negative past experiences that are affecting how you think, behave, and feel today.
But the past has passed and isn’t coming back, and neither can you change things. The only thing you have control over is you right now.
5. A nasty remark
If you’ve been unfortunate to come across miserable people, you’ve likely had to bear the brunt of their fury and wrath with life because it’s never your fault.
A racial slur, snarky comment about your competence, or even an angry driver behind you, has nothing to do with you.
But of course, it’s hard to figure that out when you’re in the heat of the moment. You feel angry and take the comments personally and hold onto that frustration until it weighs you down and turns you into one of those nasty people.
But forgiving them and letting go of that pent-up anger can help you heal and become a better person than they will ever be.
6. Annoyance or frustration over what you can’t control
How often do you ruminate, stress, or ponder over something you clearly have no control over?
In my case, sometimes it’s the weather. I genuinely believe that I can only be happy if it’s a sunny day. Or sometimes, the state of my country or politics can annoy me to the point where I cry.
But I eventually realized that these are things I have no control over. The only thing I have control over is my reaction to the situation.
Why It’s Okay to Let Things Go
Like quitting, letting things go sounds negative. People think of you as a loser if you want to let something go. However, letting things go is therapeutic for the soul.
Let me explore the benefits of letting things go below:
1. It’s freeing
At the risk of sounding like an old philosopher, letting go obviously means that something is holding you back. And if it’s holding you back, it’s a weight or burden that you have to carry.
From experience of letting go of a toxic relationship and job, there’s no lighter feeling than ridding yourself of that excess weight. That extra weight is a cumulative buildup of tears, manipulation, arguments, soulless work, etc. So, when you let go of those toxic things, you are freeing yourself from all those heavy emotions too.
2. You become stronger
Society views people who hold onto things as strong. You’ll hear a 60-year-old man speak of how ill-treated he was in his heyday at an old job, but despite it all, he still stuck with it. Or maybe you’ll hear a couple speak about how strong their relationship is because despite having affairs and hating each other half the time, they still stayed with each other.
But those who let go know what’s best for them, and only a brave few dare to take that step.
People hide behind the pretense of a relationship, horrible jobs, and their past because they’re afraid of moving on to something new. But as we all know, anything that forces you out of your comfort zone makes you a stronger, better person who’s on the path to growth.
3. You leave yourself open to things that are good for you
The sunk cost fallacy is the guiding factor behind most people’s decisions when it comes to letting go of things.
People are scared to leave situations where they’ve invested their time, energy, and money. They believe that if they let it go, they would have wasted their efforts. But what they don’t realize is that holding onto something they hate isn’t going to give them their investment back.
What they’ve spent is a sunk cost regardless of whether they stay or leave; hold on or let go.
Therefore, it’s always better to let go of what isn’t serving you to give yourself the opportunity and space to attract bigger, better things that have a shot at making you happy.
4. You live in the present
When you’re holding onto a weight, you live life in limbo and are constantly overthinking things. You’re never in the present moment.
But when you let go of what’s holding you back, you can finally step forward with confidence and live life to its fullest again.
How to Let Things Go (In the Least Painful Way)
1. Writing therapy
Writing down your pent-up emotions helps clear your mind. Like a brain dump where you free write everything that’s been consuming you — writing therapy is like talking to yourself.
It’s a way of acknowledging your feelings and getting rid of excess stress. I’ve always found writing my problems down to be healing.
Too often, we hold on to negative emotions, and they threaten to consume us whole. Writing gets those feelings out in the open and frees you from them. It also gives you a way to see your situation objectively—and you’ll be able to make better decisions for yourself.
2. Relinquish control
Holding on to what you can’t control is a futile battle. To experience the freedom and beauty of life, you’ll have to let go of that ironclad grip you’ve got over the past and future. The only thing that you can control is yourself in the present moment.
You have control over your thoughts, emotions, and behavior.
3. Spend a lot of time alone
When things are too heavy, it’s typical to seek support from your friends and family. And while they can give good advice, ultimately, you’re the one who has to do the letting go.
Being alone can help you come to terms with your decision. You are also able to understand your emotions better. And you can make the best decisions for yourself without any outside influence.
The number of times I wished I had not listened to anyone when deciding to let go of something is innumerable. Therefore, now I figure out what I have to do without offering explanations and without receiving validation for my decision.
So, accept what has happened and be open to what will come. And there’s a certain excitement that comes with not being able to control life. It’s a wave of freedom.
4. Forgive yourself
If you’ve been holding onto the past, it’s likely because you blame yourself for something.
And people don’t just hold onto the past – they hold onto their mistakes, misgivings, and bad judgments — which is why it weighs so heavily.
But everyone makes mistakes — you are only human. And to be able to live the next part of your life with joy and gratitude, you must accept your mistakes and forgive yourself.
5. Forgive people who have wronged you
Forgiving the ones who have hurt or angered you is easier said than done. But the more you hold onto resentment, the more you’ll be chained down.
I come from the land of Nelson Mandela, and he was the epitome of forgiveness. Here’s one of my favorite quotes of his:
“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”
6. Let go with gratitude
Every experience, light or heavy, has a lesson to teach you. And the heavier ones have heavier lessons.
Always believe that everything that happened to you was for the best.
Letting go of something with feelings of resentment or hate is not letting go at all. You’re still weighing yourself down with those emotions.
Therefore, if you’re letting go of a person, appreciate the good moments you spent with them.
If you’re letting go of a job, be grateful for the skills it embedded in you and the people you met along the way.
If you’re letting go of a painful experience, be grateful for the opportunity to feel pain because pain means you’re alive, and now you’ll have a greater appreciation for the happier moments of your life.
10 Quotes to Inspire You to Let Things Go
1. “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” Ann Landers
2. “A rational person can find peace by cultivating indifference to things outside their control.” Naval Ravikant
3. “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” Steve Maraboli
4. “The day I understood everything, was the day I stopped trying to figure everything out. The day I knew peace was the day I let everything go.” C. JoyBell C.
5. “Last night I lost the world and gained the universe.” C. JoyBell C.
6. “Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.” Eckhart Tolle
7. “Letting go isn’t a one-time thing, it’s something you have to do every day, over and over again.” Dawson’s Creek
8. “Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.” Tony Schwartz
9. “Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” Deborah Reber
10. “The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.” Steve Maraboli
Final Thoughts
Today marks a year since I’ve felt the pressure of letting go ease of me. I realized that I had gone an entire day without thinking about the boy I used to obsess over.
Letting go is freeing. And every day, you’re able to breathe a little easier.
As soon as I handed in my resignation on the 8th of September 2021, I felt relief, like a pressure had lifted off my chest. It’s insane, but I had built myself up to a quivering mess leading up to the day. When in reality, it felt effortless.
Sometimes we overthink things when our gut knows what’s best for us. The following 4 weeks of my notice period felt like I was walking on air – I was so happy that I had taken that step. And today, I can confidently say it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself.
Whatever you’re afraid of, take a leap of faith and just let go.