The relationship you have with yourself is the most valuable and difficult one you’ll ever nurture.
In the words of poet Rupi Kaur,
It’s easy to love
the nice things about ourselves
but true self-love is
embracing the difficult parts
that live in all of us– acceptance
We often put other relationships, whether romantic, friendship, parental, or professional, above self-love because it’s easier to forgive others for their misgivings.
Forgiving, improving, accepting, and loving yourself is the tricky part.
But the only person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with is you. So, you’ve got to make sure that it’s a healthy and supportive relationship that can stand the test of time.
Keep reading to learn how to protect the relationship you have with yourself.
Table of Contents
11 Ways to Protect the Relationship You Have with Yourself
1. Spend Enough Time Alone
Romantic relationships and friendships grow when we spend time together, right? You go on a first, second, and third date before you commit to somebody, and you chill with people until they become your friends.
Similarly, you need to enjoy your own company to form a good relationship with yourself.
I know people who constantly seek companionship, whether that’s jumping in and out of relationships or spending every waking moment with their friends. At first, I thought they were just extroverted. However, on closer introspection, I realized they’re scared to be alone.
Being alone can be terrifying because you’re confronted with all your emotions. There’s no human buffer between you and mental blocks. But you need to become comfortable with this discomfort because it’s the only way you’ll learn more about yourself and love who you are.
However, don’t use this time to binge on Netflix — that’s an escape and won’t do you any good in the long term. Instead, spend your alone time engaging in a hobby, journaling, meditating, or simply staring at a wall.
Related Post: 77 Enjoy Your Own Company Quotes
2. Learn More About Yourself
I used to think that accumulating knowledge about places and subjects meant I was “well-learned.” When really the most important thing you’ll ever study is yourself because you can only love somebody you understand.
Study the good and bad parts of you, what you love and hate doing, and who you love and don’t. These little things are what make you YOU.
It was only when I was brave enough to learn more about myself that I realized I had social anxiety and OCD, and I could be a better friend, and I don’t want to be an accountant.
You can use journaling as a way to identify your strengths and weaknesses. I have notebooks filled with love, heartbreak, flaws, abuse, and acceptance.
3. Put Yourself First
How many times have you changed your plans to suit your friends, answered a call from somebody when you were busy, or sacrificed personal time to help a colleague?
We’re always ready to sign away our time, energy, and peace of mind.
In my life, every time I’ve had a crush on a guy, I gave him much more than my time. I gave him my restless mind, sleep, and zest for life.
Perhaps you’ve done the same. You’ve given up the relationship you have with yourself to enhance another relationship. It happens unknowingly.
I’m not saying you should be selfish and not prioritize others. However, those relationships only worsen when you don’t put yourself first.
You can’t fill another’s cup if yours is empty.
4. Let Go of People and Things That Don’t Serve You
This includes your dead-end job, the first cousin who has nothing good to say to you, and the guy who’s always bringing you down.
All your external relationships affect the one you have internally with yourself. Therefore, keep the people and things that uplift you and say goodbye to toxicity.
5. Own Your Uniqueness
The best part about being human is that we’re all unique. Every person is an INDIVIDUAL with their own traits and quirks.
But most of the time, we try to fit a mold. We follow the crowd even when we don’t want to, we ignore the sound of our own hearts, and we’re embarrassed by what makes us rare.
I used to be shamed for my loner tendencies. Throughout school and college, I was branded as “boring,” “reclusive,” “snobbish,” and “timid.” I took these labels to heart and felt embarrassed of who I was.
But now, I respect my love for my own company and the value I place on the quality of my relationships rather than the quantity.
This is just one trait that defines me, but a thousand more make me who I am, and I’m no longer afraid of accepting my individuality.
You also have qualities you’ve been ashamed of or haven’t recognized yet. Be proud of yourself, and be authentic!
6. Make Personal Growth a Priority
Self-improvement enhances the relationship you have with yourself because you’re saying, “I love you, and you deserve the best.”
Take courses, start passion projects, work out more, eat healthier, and leave your comfort zone.
And remember, don’t do these things for anyone else. Don’t lose weight to impress a man, don’t accept a job to make your family happy, and don’t settle because you think you can’t do any better.
Take your growth seriously.
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7. Stop Listening to Everyone Else
Everyone else thinks they know what’s best for you, but only you know how you feel.
The older I get, the more I learn that most people don’t even know what’s happening in their own lives, yet they’re ever-ready to tell you what to do with yours. It’s laughable really.
Therefore, take advice with a grain of salt and always listen to your own heart and intuition. Even if you make the wrong choice, at least you’ll know that it was your mistake to make.
Moreover, stop comparing your life to everyone else’s. You’re on your own journey, and you’ll get to where you need to be at the right time.
8. Stop Explaining Yourself
I used to worry about what people thought of me and my actions. So, I would justify myself until I angry-cried.
But when you explain yourself, you put someone else’s opinion above yours. Moreover, people will think what they want, whether you give a Harvard written pros and cons list of your decision-making or not.
So, let everyone think what they want to think. It doesn’t affect you either way.
9. Seek Internal Validation
Most people only feel good about themselves when someone else appreciates them and feel lousy if somebody tells them they aren’t good enough.
When you crave external validation, you’re putting your happiness and peace of mind in another’s hands.
Instead, look inward if you want to reassure yourself of your capabilities. You don’t need anyone else to validate you.
The only person who needs to recognize your goodness and uniqueness is you.
10. Don’t Lose Yourself in the Pursuit of Success
I’ve seen people lose their essence when they reach a certain level of success. Friends became vain once they bought new cars, cousins became know-it-alls after traveling, and uncles became self-absorbed when their bank accounts hit 7 figures.
But no amount of money can buy you a good relationship with yourself. Most of these people will end up leading miserable lives even though they supposedly have everything.
So, remember to shoot for the stars, but always keep yourself grounded in your soul.
11. Value and Respect Yourself in Public and Private
You’re constantly in your head, so fill it with positive thinking because what you say to yourself can enhance or damage your self-esteem.
Also, be careful with self-deprecating humor. I’m comfortable making jokes about myself in public; however, I’ve noticed that others think that’s an invitation to ridicule me. Now, I’ve become kinder to myself in public, not in a self-absorbed way, but in a self-respecting way.
Remember, nobody will respect you if you don’t respect yourself.
Final Thoughts
I hope you enjoyed this post and will use these tips to cultivate and nurture your most important relationship.
A by-product of having a good bond with yourself is having strong bonds with others. You’ll never be able to accept, respect, or love someone else if you don’t do these things for yourself first.
What are your thoughts on the relationship you have with yourself?